Ace takes revenge

[Kenneth]

*Kenneth waits for Alexiss Ace to start his interview about his match last week.*


Alexiss Ace: "Kenneth now that you got your revenge on your cousin, what is your next move?"


Kenneth: "My next move would have to be going for the title belt."


Alexiss Ace: "The titles have yet to be decided who will hold them. Do you plan on trying to get a hold of it?


Kenneth: "I plan on taking out anyone who gets in my way of holding that title. I will destroy all opponents put in my way just like I did to my cousin."


Alexiss Ace: "Well I have one last question before you go on with your day."


Kenneth: "Yes, what is your question."


Alexiss Ace: "What about your cousin? What do you plan on doing about him while you are here?"


Kenneth: "My cousin will just have to face the fact that payback sucks and move on. I only settled the score."


Alexiss Ace: "Well glad to hear from you. Hope you do good tonight. That is all for now."


*Alexiss begins to walk away when he hears a loud boom come from behind him. He turns around and finds Kenneth lying on the ground and Ace standing over him with a steel chair.*


Ace: "The score is settled now, not then, but now. You think I left that ring just because I wanted to. You sold out and were going to throw the match. So I threw the match before you could. Leaving you there to get torn apart. The steel chair was to make sure you never forgot who you betrayed. All you are is a sell out. That is all you will ever be."


*Alexiss trys to get a hold of Ace before he leaves, but Ace has nothing to say and walks away. Paramedics rush to Kenneth side as Alexiss just stands there in confusion about what he just heard.*

[Crimson Mist]

Here is some feedback:
Stop using the * thingies for actions, they aren't needed
You could change the first sentence to: " The camera shows Kenneth waiting for Alexiss Ace to start his interview about the match last week."
Add a , after Kenneth in this sentence: "Kenneth now that you got your revenge on your cousin, what is your next move?", else you would say kennethnow, you need to make it clear that Kenneth is a name.

Alexiss Ace: "The titles have yet to be decided who will hold them. Do you plan on trying to get a hold of it?
This sentence makes it sound like the titles who holds them, you are better off changing it to something like: The owners of the titles have yet to be decided.

Also, i would change the put in my way thing to I will destroy all opponents who get in the way. (Sounds better)

Change Well glad to Well I am glad, else it just sounds.. weird

The first action, i would change it to something like this:

Alexiss thanks Kenneth for the interview, and he starts to walk away

BOOM

Alexiss turns around, to see a knocked out Kenneth lying on the ground, with Ace standing next to him with a steel chair.

Good roleplay in general though, keep going!

[RSL]

good rp

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